India Changed Me

This journal entry comes from one of my 2023 Energy Immersion Retreat participants!

From Scotti:

It took getting back to “normal” for me to fully comprehend I am not the same person I was when I left.

India changed me.

I knew when I met Bex in September of 2022, there was something special about her that drew me in. I loved attending her yoga classes and considered her an instant friend. She’d told me about her Energy Immersion retreat shortly after we’d met, and I felt compelled to ask more when I saw her again. I’d thought of going to India several times before on my own, but this was a different type of curiosity — a gentle push from my inner voice to keep on seeking.

Those who know Bex understand when I try to explain, there’s an aura about her — a big, “YES…WELCOME” — when you walk into her space. Bex was the final puzzle piece that brought my desire for India into fruition.

I didn’t understand yoga retreats before I attended Bex’s Energy Immersion. I’d never been to one, and part of me hesitated to fully embrace the idea of “retreating” — in any way, shape, or form!

I identify as a do-er, not a retreat-er. I like to work hard, feel like I’ve accomplished a lot, and that my time was “used” well, or at the least, not wasted.  I’m one of those people who has trouble sitting still. That’s actually why yoga clicks for me — it allows me to explore meditation through movement.  But I knew something about this particular Energy Immersion experience was calling me to literally RETREAT…to put away my lap top, my work life, (even my family life for a minute!) to unplug, and spend some time with myself.

2022 was a difficult year for me. I’d gone through a divorce and had just recalibrated my entire life to co-parent my twin 11-year old boys and provide for myself. I also just turned 40, so springing into 2023 felt like so many things in my life had taken a pivotal turn — one I was excited to embrace but hadn’t sat still with yet.

Shifting, changing, adapting, flexing — I’ve learned these will always be part of life, and I’m actually good with that because, again — it’s still movement!

But, had I stopped to fully let my new life sink in?

In some ways, I had an inkling India would be the impetus for this process, and the Energy Immersion retreat would provide opportunity for me to be with myself, for myself.

On the first day, after we’d all arrived safely and were excitedly seated in a big group circle around the shala (the oceanside space where we practiced yoga and meditation every day), we were asked to make some initial introductions.

Bex requested we each share one thing we loved about ourselves that made us unique, and one thing we hoped to improve, or that sometimes trips us up.

After listening to several others go first, I shared life had asked me to become a shape-shifter — one who is able to ebb and flow with the highs and lows of life, travel the world, and like water, become the shape of whatever situational container I’m in.

Then I shared where I struggle: I feel like I have to suffer to experience growth in my life — that I’d fallen into a pattern of believing hard things are the only way to gain significance and understanding in life. While suffering does lend us incredible insights, I’d come to expect I would always have to suffer to grow.

I shared with the the group I hoped to leave the retreat having adopted a new belief that growth can come from positivity and healing, that it can stem from life-giving, nourishing places, too.

Others shared meaningful things about themselves, and from the very beginning, the intention became clear — this experience would give us each a voice to express the art of being our authentic selves!

I witnessed a mind-blowing series of synchronicities unfold in Goa — everything from timely conversations, symbols, repeated words or phrases, images in nature, card readings, dreams, colors, sounds, numbers — all kinds of confirmations and signs that I indeed was in the right place at the right time, and this newfound stillness would foster my desire to flow through life and find growth in positive outlets.

Each of the seven Energy Immersion days focused on one chakra, starting at the root and traveling up to the crown. Bex intricately wove together the yoga practice, the meditation focus, the cultural experiences, and even the down time and journaling prompts, so that a healthy dose of awareness centered on the chakra energy of that day.

To me, this chakra-driven daily focus evidenced itself in a divine sense of opening at each level. I felt my heart open toward myself and others. My mind and spirit opened to new ideas and became more receptive.

One of my favorite memories from our time in India took place at the organic spice farm called Tanshikar, a family-run generational farm that grows everything from cinnamon to cashews. The owner and farmer said something so poignant and practical: “My job as the farmer is to watch and observe.”

He could have said many normal things like, “My job is to cross pollenate…to plant during these certain windows…to make sure these particular plants have the right growing environment…to assess the fungus on these trees.” But he didn’t say anything regarding working or doing. He said his job is to watch and observe all that is happening.

To BE!

I heard these wise words and welcomed that same mindset into my own heart. As humans, we fixate on what we do and how well we are doing it. When really, the only requirement is to observe — to watch the way we respond to daily challenges, victories, relationships, stress, and the full range of our emotions.

So much of what I experienced in India happened introspectively, because I learned to watch, observe, and then grow. Maybe this growth could have occurred anywhere in the world, but I give so much credit to that most sacred foundational space India provides!

India’s tradition, culture, and heritage combine in an elaborate backdrop that enables the inward search to go much, much deeper. I felt held and connected, embraced and accepted. That is unique to the landscape and people of India, and something I’ll never forget about my time there.

I started this post saying it wasn’t until I experienced “normal” again that I recognized India’s impact. Seated in my Bentonville yoga class, breathing calmly along with the prompts of the instructor, and I felt it. I went back to the shala in my mind and body. I heard the the ocean waves syncing with my breath cycle, I smelled the sea air, I felt the hot Indian breeze on my face. I transported back to that sacred place, on my oceanside yoga mat in Goa, and I realized I can visit this space whenever my heart desires and tap into the growth that happened when I sat and began to observe.

India continues to hold me and teach me from the opposite end of the world.